Leaving Haiti. We drive right past the quarry (center) when we go to the beach.
Four of the girls sitting around.
Baby with a chair on her head. I don't think she wanted me to take her picture.
Showing posts with label Haiti. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Haiti. Show all posts
Friday, July 27, 2007
Haiti Pictures (July 07)
Leaving Haiti. We drive right past the quarry (center) when we go to the beach. Four of the girls sitting around. Baby with a chair on her head. I don't think she wanted me to take her picture.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Haiti Journal July 2007
Since, I got such a good response from my journal in January I though I would post the entries from this trip as well. As always I do edit the entries. I don’t publish some of my more personal thoughts and I try to respect the privacy of other individuals. I correct some of the grammar, but not all because I write in a loose style. I do try to be honest. I leave in my struggles, my questions to God and my inarticulate ramblings. Enjoy:
7-5-07
I’m on a plane going to Miami. The takeoff was bumpy. But, the sky is beautiful. Clouds spring up like towers. Rivers cut the land like muddy ribbons. Square and rectangle farms spread to the limit of vision. Now, clouds form mountain ranges with jagged peaks. (My throat is sore. Please Lord, heal me.) More rivers this time blue. I’m tired. I’m nervous. I’m thinking about my two year commitment of moving to Haiti. Do I have the will to set my heart on this? No. I don’t, but Lord you are awesome. I should do this. I know in my heart. I should do this. I will miss my parents, my brother, his wife, Robby and Andy, Valley Park Chapel and the Impact kids. But, what will I gain? Twenty-five daughters! A chance to depend on the Lord for all I need. On this trip, Lord, I want to honor you. Lord, please guide me. Please keep me in your presence. Lord, be mighty. Work in this broken man. Take me where you want me to be.
Later – Sitting in the Miami airport watching the lightning. It’s spotty. I can’t tell which way it’s moving. The fire alarm strobes were going off on the level above of us. I had visions of a mass evacuation. But, it didn’t happen. When flying in I saw some amazing circle farms that looked like works of art. We flew right over Tampa. I could see the Skyway Bridge, the bay, the city, the gulf, and the Moon all at once! Out the terminal windows the sky has grown angrier. The lightning is crazy. Now, I really hope the fire alarm doesn’t go off. Why am I here? Do I mean, why am I in the airport going to Haiti? Or do I mean, why am I here on Earth? I don’t know why I just felt like asking that question. Lord, why am I here? I want to serve you. I want to live a life pleasing to you. Please, O Lord, be my courage and my heart for I feel weak. Lord, give me firmness of will. I love you, Lord. I will praise your Name.
Later – We got held in Miami overnight, weather and plane problems. The airline put us up in a hotel. I have a big room to myself. Well, I need to sleep.
7-6-07
Flying to Haiti. I just saw a rainbow in the clouds. (Oh, yesterday I saw a bull’s-eye rainbow.) As we travel, Lord, I ask that you give us mercy. Help me to love those little girls at the house. Help me give of myself. Help me. The clouds! They look like towns and castles! I enjoy seeing all the people on the plane and at the airport. A million stories, souls, broken hearts, loves, sorrows, joys... Lord, bless them all. Lord, give me the heart to serve.
Later – We’ve been here at the house all day. I’ve been playing with the girls a lot. I taped plastic over the windows of the van because the starter burned up. It’s a long story. We saw a building burning down. It was crazy. I’m sitting on the roof. I want to pray. O Lord, help me. Give me courage. Give me courage! I need the will to act, the will to be a man, the will to be your man, O Lord. Please, allow something to come of this trip. Give me the will to stick with what I decide. O Lord, be my king. Take my life. Please, O Lord, show me your power. I will praise you.
7-7-07
Back home today they had the Impact 30th reunion (the youth group where I’m a leader). Well, today I swam in the Caribbean Sea. Ha! I would have enjoyed seeing some people from the past, but I felt I should come to Haiti. We did go to the beach and it was a lot of fun. There was this married Brazilian/Portuguese guy that was hitting on the girls. It made me upset. Actually “upset” is the wrong word. It made me sick. I hate guys like that. I hate the ease at which they can talk to girls. I hate how they treat their wives and the girls they hit on. But, enough of that. Driving to and from the beach I saw some sights I wish I had been able to get pictures of. Two, extraordinarily muscular, grey beards cutting palm fronds (They should have been warriors not farmers.). A little bitty girl riding a donkey while whacking him with a stick. A speckled goat munching freshly cut funeral flowers. At the house Fena hit a ball over the wall, so Vanessa and I went to get it. I had to jump around on a pile of rocks with the girls yelling down to me. It was fun. Tomorrow, I may speak at the youth meeting. O Lord, I trust in you.
7-8-07
I’m sitting on the roof. It just rained on me fortunately it was just a sprinkle. It was cool. The sky is crazy. Beautiful, I mean. Today was church. It was good. It was hot and long, but I enjoyed it. I spoke at the youth meeting tonight. It was an experience. I was nervous. I gave my testimony and just shared a few verses. It was fun. (It started raining harder so I came inside.) I hope I was able to share with them well. It is in your hands, O Lord. Lord, guide me in all things. I praise you and I will tell of your works to all who will listen. Lord, I am yours and I long to serve you. I praise your Name!
7-9-07
Where do I begin? Today I went to VBS (Vacation Bible School). We had about 70 kids or so. I played football and baseball with the kids. Well, we just threw around the football and I tried to show them how to bat. I talked a lot with some of the older teens. They were teaching me Creole. I’d point to something and they’d say the Creole word. I’d try to pronounce it and they would all laugh. Then I came back to the house. I talked with Vanessa a long time, which was cool. We talked about the doc Ghosts of Cite Soleil. She has seen it and I have only read about it. Then I went with Carole to the auto parts store. Sounds simple, but it’s not. We passed this place where they slaughter goats (for voodoo I think) and leave the carcasses lying around. The garage owner beat his employee after he shot sparks on me. I’m white so that means I’m rich and I represent business. In that part of town there is a huge slum. Words, words, words! I need words to describe it. Squalor. Rank. Horrifying. A mound of trash that is home to hundreds if not thousands. A river of human waste. It is not poverty that makes you sad. It’s poverty that scares you. I think I’m in shock. It is night and I see the lights of the wealthy up on the hill. I condemn them for their indifference. Yet I sit up on my hill called American and cast only a backward glance at the all need. And for some reason I think that is enough. O Lord, change me! Give me a heart of flesh not stone. Let me be a man after your own heart. Teach me to love with deeds and not only words. Teach me, O Lord! Teach me! Lord, be my all in all. Be my King. Be my Lord. Be my all. Change me, please. O Lord, open my heart. Break it to reshape it in your image. Break me to fix me. Make me a new man. And may that new man be a servant useful to you.
7-10-07
Today was interesting. I stayed at the house. I worked on fixing the toilet. It wasn’t fun, but it was necessary. I watched some of the classes that the others did with girls. I love these little orphans. I played with them a lot. I played their rock game which is kind of like Jacks. I did some goofy things like standing on my hands and stuff. O Lord, please help me. I long to serve you, O Lord. I know my thoughts are torn between you and this world. Purify my heart. Give me a heart to serve. O Lord, please break my heart only to mend it the way you want it. O Lord, I am yours. Use me!
7-11-07
Okay, so today I fixed the toilet with the guard and Evers. Yesterday, I didn’t get the job done. But, today we tore the whole thing apart. Tonight we had a birthday party for the girls. It was fun. Then we found a rat in Carole’s bathroom. One of the guys trapped it in the trashcan. Nobody wanted to kill it. So I took it to the roof and killed it with the machete. I threw it over the side into the rock pile. I don’t want to leave! I want to stay. It sounds funny after working on a toilet and dealing with rats. But, I want to stay. (Lightning is playing all across the Western sky.) You, O Lord, are mighty! You are my King! I don’t want to leave. I want to stay and serve you. I want to stay!
7-12-07
Well, I’m sitting in the Miami airport. The flight out of Haiti was four hours late. Then the ramp was broken when we got here. I missed my connecting flight. So... I’m flying to Orlando tonight and on to St. Louis in the morning. The airline claims it will give me a hotel. They wouldn’t give me meal vouchers, so I grabbed a piece of pizza. I’m glad I did because the place closed right after I walked in. Also, I hadn’t eaten anything since leaving the house except the French cheese crackers on the plane. Leaving the house-- the flight to Orlando is late! –-was very hard. I want to play with the girls everyday. This morning I saw Hosanna still lying in bed. I went in and sang with her. “Amazing Grace” is awesome in Creole just as it is in English (and probably every other language). She is so sweet. It was a very touching moment for me. Lovia was very standoffish. It made me sad. I gave out candy as I left. They all came over and gave me hugs. They all looked very sad that I was leaving. I guess I probably did too. Lord, keep those little girls in your hand. Protect all the workers who are still there. Give them strength. Allow them to be changed, O Lord.
7-13-07
2am EST – I’m in the terminal of the Orlando airport. It’s only me and the cleaning guy. I’m tired. I’m sick. I stink. (A very attractive portrait of myself I know but what am I to do?) No hotel for me and I have about three hours until I can get some food. So you all get treated to the sleep deprived ramblings of a half-crazed airport dweller. Still thinking of Haiti. But, I must admit already the cares and concerns of this world come crushing in. Work, Ezra Crane, money... All cloud my vision. Not to mention concerns for the future. O Lord, all is in your hands. Grant me peace. Grant me a little sleep. To be able to love those little girls in Haiti I will sleep in an airport, go hungry for awhile and much, much more.
Later – Well, I got a couple hours of sleep. The floor of the airport is not all that comfortable, but I won’t complain. I woke up about 4 am and ate at Burger King. I took my Malaria med and had a bottle of really good chocolate milk. Now, I’m waiting. Lord, I thank you for your provision.
If you’re still with me I have some follow ups. When I got home I found out that Ghosts of Cite Soleil was playing at a local University. I went and saw it on the 14th. Read about my response in another post. A few things keep coming back to my mind about Haiti. I remember Fena asking me to stay one day. It made me want to stay very badly. Another day Baby was scared by the cat and ran to me for protection. It was a good feeling. A good trip all around and I can’t wait to go back again.
7-5-07
I’m on a plane going to Miami. The takeoff was bumpy. But, the sky is beautiful. Clouds spring up like towers. Rivers cut the land like muddy ribbons. Square and rectangle farms spread to the limit of vision. Now, clouds form mountain ranges with jagged peaks. (My throat is sore. Please Lord, heal me.) More rivers this time blue. I’m tired. I’m nervous. I’m thinking about my two year commitment of moving to Haiti. Do I have the will to set my heart on this? No. I don’t, but Lord you are awesome. I should do this. I know in my heart. I should do this. I will miss my parents, my brother, his wife, Robby and Andy, Valley Park Chapel and the Impact kids. But, what will I gain? Twenty-five daughters! A chance to depend on the Lord for all I need. On this trip, Lord, I want to honor you. Lord, please guide me. Please keep me in your presence. Lord, be mighty. Work in this broken man. Take me where you want me to be.
Later – Sitting in the Miami airport watching the lightning. It’s spotty. I can’t tell which way it’s moving. The fire alarm strobes were going off on the level above of us. I had visions of a mass evacuation. But, it didn’t happen. When flying in I saw some amazing circle farms that looked like works of art. We flew right over Tampa. I could see the Skyway Bridge, the bay, the city, the gulf, and the Moon all at once! Out the terminal windows the sky has grown angrier. The lightning is crazy. Now, I really hope the fire alarm doesn’t go off. Why am I here? Do I mean, why am I in the airport going to Haiti? Or do I mean, why am I here on Earth? I don’t know why I just felt like asking that question. Lord, why am I here? I want to serve you. I want to live a life pleasing to you. Please, O Lord, be my courage and my heart for I feel weak. Lord, give me firmness of will. I love you, Lord. I will praise your Name.
Later – We got held in Miami overnight, weather and plane problems. The airline put us up in a hotel. I have a big room to myself. Well, I need to sleep.
7-6-07
Flying to Haiti. I just saw a rainbow in the clouds. (Oh, yesterday I saw a bull’s-eye rainbow.) As we travel, Lord, I ask that you give us mercy. Help me to love those little girls at the house. Help me give of myself. Help me. The clouds! They look like towns and castles! I enjoy seeing all the people on the plane and at the airport. A million stories, souls, broken hearts, loves, sorrows, joys... Lord, bless them all. Lord, give me the heart to serve.
Later – We’ve been here at the house all day. I’ve been playing with the girls a lot. I taped plastic over the windows of the van because the starter burned up. It’s a long story. We saw a building burning down. It was crazy. I’m sitting on the roof. I want to pray. O Lord, help me. Give me courage. Give me courage! I need the will to act, the will to be a man, the will to be your man, O Lord. Please, allow something to come of this trip. Give me the will to stick with what I decide. O Lord, be my king. Take my life. Please, O Lord, show me your power. I will praise you.
7-7-07
Back home today they had the Impact 30th reunion (the youth group where I’m a leader). Well, today I swam in the Caribbean Sea. Ha! I would have enjoyed seeing some people from the past, but I felt I should come to Haiti. We did go to the beach and it was a lot of fun. There was this married Brazilian/Portuguese guy that was hitting on the girls. It made me upset. Actually “upset” is the wrong word. It made me sick. I hate guys like that. I hate the ease at which they can talk to girls. I hate how they treat their wives and the girls they hit on. But, enough of that. Driving to and from the beach I saw some sights I wish I had been able to get pictures of. Two, extraordinarily muscular, grey beards cutting palm fronds (They should have been warriors not farmers.). A little bitty girl riding a donkey while whacking him with a stick. A speckled goat munching freshly cut funeral flowers. At the house Fena hit a ball over the wall, so Vanessa and I went to get it. I had to jump around on a pile of rocks with the girls yelling down to me. It was fun. Tomorrow, I may speak at the youth meeting. O Lord, I trust in you.
7-8-07
I’m sitting on the roof. It just rained on me fortunately it was just a sprinkle. It was cool. The sky is crazy. Beautiful, I mean. Today was church. It was good. It was hot and long, but I enjoyed it. I spoke at the youth meeting tonight. It was an experience. I was nervous. I gave my testimony and just shared a few verses. It was fun. (It started raining harder so I came inside.) I hope I was able to share with them well. It is in your hands, O Lord. Lord, guide me in all things. I praise you and I will tell of your works to all who will listen. Lord, I am yours and I long to serve you. I praise your Name!
7-9-07
Where do I begin? Today I went to VBS (Vacation Bible School). We had about 70 kids or so. I played football and baseball with the kids. Well, we just threw around the football and I tried to show them how to bat. I talked a lot with some of the older teens. They were teaching me Creole. I’d point to something and they’d say the Creole word. I’d try to pronounce it and they would all laugh. Then I came back to the house. I talked with Vanessa a long time, which was cool. We talked about the doc Ghosts of Cite Soleil. She has seen it and I have only read about it. Then I went with Carole to the auto parts store. Sounds simple, but it’s not. We passed this place where they slaughter goats (for voodoo I think) and leave the carcasses lying around. The garage owner beat his employee after he shot sparks on me. I’m white so that means I’m rich and I represent business. In that part of town there is a huge slum. Words, words, words! I need words to describe it. Squalor. Rank. Horrifying. A mound of trash that is home to hundreds if not thousands. A river of human waste. It is not poverty that makes you sad. It’s poverty that scares you. I think I’m in shock. It is night and I see the lights of the wealthy up on the hill. I condemn them for their indifference. Yet I sit up on my hill called American and cast only a backward glance at the all need. And for some reason I think that is enough. O Lord, change me! Give me a heart of flesh not stone. Let me be a man after your own heart. Teach me to love with deeds and not only words. Teach me, O Lord! Teach me! Lord, be my all in all. Be my King. Be my Lord. Be my all. Change me, please. O Lord, open my heart. Break it to reshape it in your image. Break me to fix me. Make me a new man. And may that new man be a servant useful to you.
7-10-07
Today was interesting. I stayed at the house. I worked on fixing the toilet. It wasn’t fun, but it was necessary. I watched some of the classes that the others did with girls. I love these little orphans. I played with them a lot. I played their rock game which is kind of like Jacks. I did some goofy things like standing on my hands and stuff. O Lord, please help me. I long to serve you, O Lord. I know my thoughts are torn between you and this world. Purify my heart. Give me a heart to serve. O Lord, please break my heart only to mend it the way you want it. O Lord, I am yours. Use me!
7-11-07
Okay, so today I fixed the toilet with the guard and Evers. Yesterday, I didn’t get the job done. But, today we tore the whole thing apart. Tonight we had a birthday party for the girls. It was fun. Then we found a rat in Carole’s bathroom. One of the guys trapped it in the trashcan. Nobody wanted to kill it. So I took it to the roof and killed it with the machete. I threw it over the side into the rock pile. I don’t want to leave! I want to stay. It sounds funny after working on a toilet and dealing with rats. But, I want to stay. (Lightning is playing all across the Western sky.) You, O Lord, are mighty! You are my King! I don’t want to leave. I want to stay and serve you. I want to stay!
7-12-07
Well, I’m sitting in the Miami airport. The flight out of Haiti was four hours late. Then the ramp was broken when we got here. I missed my connecting flight. So... I’m flying to Orlando tonight and on to St. Louis in the morning. The airline claims it will give me a hotel. They wouldn’t give me meal vouchers, so I grabbed a piece of pizza. I’m glad I did because the place closed right after I walked in. Also, I hadn’t eaten anything since leaving the house except the French cheese crackers on the plane. Leaving the house-- the flight to Orlando is late! –-was very hard. I want to play with the girls everyday. This morning I saw Hosanna still lying in bed. I went in and sang with her. “Amazing Grace” is awesome in Creole just as it is in English (and probably every other language). She is so sweet. It was a very touching moment for me. Lovia was very standoffish. It made me sad. I gave out candy as I left. They all came over and gave me hugs. They all looked very sad that I was leaving. I guess I probably did too. Lord, keep those little girls in your hand. Protect all the workers who are still there. Give them strength. Allow them to be changed, O Lord.
7-13-07
2am EST – I’m in the terminal of the Orlando airport. It’s only me and the cleaning guy. I’m tired. I’m sick. I stink. (A very attractive portrait of myself I know but what am I to do?) No hotel for me and I have about three hours until I can get some food. So you all get treated to the sleep deprived ramblings of a half-crazed airport dweller. Still thinking of Haiti. But, I must admit already the cares and concerns of this world come crushing in. Work, Ezra Crane, money... All cloud my vision. Not to mention concerns for the future. O Lord, all is in your hands. Grant me peace. Grant me a little sleep. To be able to love those little girls in Haiti I will sleep in an airport, go hungry for awhile and much, much more.
Later – Well, I got a couple hours of sleep. The floor of the airport is not all that comfortable, but I won’t complain. I woke up about 4 am and ate at Burger King. I took my Malaria med and had a bottle of really good chocolate milk. Now, I’m waiting. Lord, I thank you for your provision.
If you’re still with me I have some follow ups. When I got home I found out that Ghosts of Cite Soleil was playing at a local University. I went and saw it on the 14th. Read about my response in another post. A few things keep coming back to my mind about Haiti. I remember Fena asking me to stay one day. It made me want to stay very badly. Another day Baby was scared by the cat and ran to me for protection. It was a good feeling. A good trip all around and I can’t wait to go back again.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Journal
I thought I would share another journal entry involving my decision to move to Haiti. Yes, I know my grammar is horrible.
2-13-07
I watched My Neighbor Totoro last night. It was very good. The movie made me feel good, but it pointed out my emptiness. I have nothing in this world. I’m a wanderer looking for some bygone days that were never as good as I remember. I haven’t lived. I’ve holed up in a fantasy world and wrapped it neatly in my own laziness. I’ve read the Bible a thousand times. I cry out for blessings, yet have I ever blessed anyone? Sure, I’ve taught Sunday school and Bible study. But, have I fed the hungry? The Bible says to do it. Have I done it? Oh, I’ve given money, but have I fed the hungry? Have I loved the unloved? Or have I agreed with what the Bible says and patted myself on my back for my concern. All the while allowing my brother to suffer need? When will I stop saying I don’t have a life and act? Right now! Lord, I commit my plans to you. I intend to move to Haiti in ’09. Lord, I need your help every step of the way. Thank you, O Lord… The trip to Haiti fades from my mind. Each day I forget a little of the burning that filled my heart as I stared at the sea, as I looked off the roof, as I played with the orphans. I felt I could do good there. If the Lord wills I feel I could serve there. By losing myself I know I will find myself. O Lord, I pray to you. You are awesome and holy. I give you all I have. Do what you will. I will always praise you.
2-13-07
I watched My Neighbor Totoro last night. It was very good. The movie made me feel good, but it pointed out my emptiness. I have nothing in this world. I’m a wanderer looking for some bygone days that were never as good as I remember. I haven’t lived. I’ve holed up in a fantasy world and wrapped it neatly in my own laziness. I’ve read the Bible a thousand times. I cry out for blessings, yet have I ever blessed anyone? Sure, I’ve taught Sunday school and Bible study. But, have I fed the hungry? The Bible says to do it. Have I done it? Oh, I’ve given money, but have I fed the hungry? Have I loved the unloved? Or have I agreed with what the Bible says and patted myself on my back for my concern. All the while allowing my brother to suffer need? When will I stop saying I don’t have a life and act? Right now! Lord, I commit my plans to you. I intend to move to Haiti in ’09. Lord, I need your help every step of the way. Thank you, O Lord… The trip to Haiti fades from my mind. Each day I forget a little of the burning that filled my heart as I stared at the sea, as I looked off the roof, as I played with the orphans. I felt I could do good there. If the Lord wills I feel I could serve there. By losing myself I know I will find myself. O Lord, I pray to you. You are awesome and holy. I give you all I have. Do what you will. I will always praise you.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Haiti Journal - Jan 07
With my decision to move to Haiti I thought I would be interesting to post my journal entries from my first Haiti trip. I’m trying not to forget how I felt when I was there. It’s funny how quickly the things of this life cloud my vision and deaden my heart to the need in this world. I have slightly edited the entries for clarity and withheld some more personal comments. I apologize for my horrible grammar and random thought process.
1-11-07
I’m sitting on the roof of the orphanage in Haiti. It’s pitch black. I’m using a flashlight to write. Haiti hits you like a ton of bricks. The poverty is staggering. From the air it’s a mountainous wilderness. Port-au-Prince sits in a bowl or amphitheater. Skeletons of houses stretch for miles. Sail boats dotted the sun bronzed sea. The airport is under UN control. Brazilian troops man posts with machine guns. The city is a huge slum. The streets are lined with people who have nothing. Everything is in decay. Nothing seems new. All appears hopeless. The rich sit up on the mountain their lights only make the poor seem poorer. I’m ill at ease. I’m ashamed of myself. The girls swarmed us desiring love. O Lord help me love. Teach me your kindness. Show me your heart. Teach me to love like you do.
1-12-07
I’ve only been here about 24 hours and I already love one of the girls. Her name is Lovia. I would raise her as my daughter. She deserves a father and a mother so do they all. Today we did a number of things. I got up with the sun. I read some of Isaiah. I shot some video. We cleared some land. I learned how to use a machete. We went to Deli Mart. Four men with shotguns stand outside for security. UN vehicles all over. Then we played with the girls. The sunrise and the sunset were beautiful. Lord, come to these people. Heal this land. Heal them! Be strong! Be merciful! Lord, come in a mighty way. Be salvation to Haiti.
1-13-07
Today was good. Up early. We restacked broken desks. We cleaned out the shed. Then we went up to Petionville. It was incredible. The people, the culture, the market. I loved it. I bought a few statues. One is a warrior with a sword blowing a couch shell. I will put it next to my crocodile from PNG. I cannot control my thoughts for 10 minutes! Why can’t I forget myself and love others? Lord, open my eyes to your will. Lord, be kind. Lord, be mighty. Lord, show me how to serve. Lord, guide me in the day and protect me in the night.
1-14-07
Today was church. It was moving yet I didn’t understand a word. I was thinking about culture and people. It is amazing how different we are yet how similar we are. The church is a wooden lean-to with a tin roof. But the church is in the hearts of the people not some building. I spent two or more hours playing with the girls. I love them all. Am I going to be changed by this trip? Or will I stay the same? Will I harden my heart to all the need in this world? Lord, change me! Even if I don’t want to! Change me! Allow me to concentrate on you. Lord, change me!
1-15-07
We went to the beach today. It was incredible. The water was beautiful. I found some rocks and shells. I stared at the sea for hours. Such beauty, such poverty! We drove through areas that looked like war zones. Well, some of them are war zones I guess. How do I describe the poverty? How to I tell of what I’ve seen? Lord, give me words. Give me insight. Lord, be my guide. Lord, help me. Lord, teach me what I need to know. Show me. Teach me how to love. Lord, change me. Show me how to change. Change me. Help me to live, O Lord. Change me! Lord, I need to change! Change me! I praise you, my Creator!
1-16-07
Today we went to Tony’s. He’s a crazy monk that helps handicapped and dying children. I can’t describe the children at his place. He asked for a volunteer to help him change a bandage on a little baby who’s covered in sores. I must admit that I was afraid so I didn’t volunteer. I didn’t think about the Lord or about helping a sick child. I thought about not getting germs. Why I am I so selfish? I don’t ever think about the Lord during the day. I think about myself, sex, food or fantasies. Lord, change me! Wake me up to the way you would have me be. Be my Father. Be my heart. Lord, be real. Show me how to be real. Give me the words and the heart to share what you’ve done for me. Help me share my life.
1-17-07
Our last full day. We’ve worked outside. I fixed the swing set. The day isn’t half over and I’m super tired. Lunch isn’t going to be served for hours. I’m going to play with the girls tonight. I’m going to give up my time. Lord, keep me calm and loving. Lord, teach me how to love these kids. Lord, give me strength and wisdom.
1-18-07
We just took of from Ft. Lauderdale. It was spectacular! The lights of the city were incredible. There were huge ships on the ocean. It was amazing. I didn’t want to leave this morning. Lovia was sad. She came up early this morning and we sat together for awhile. She went to school but she skipped out later and came back up. She cried. I cried. We talked and played a little while. Then she got busted and had to go back to school. The last I saw her was as she ran around the corner and disappeared. Then we left. I’m fighting back tears right now. I didn’t want to leave. I could have stayed. I knew this would happen. I knew before I ever left the States. How could I come to love her so much in so short of time? But it’s not only her what about Hosana, Landa and all the others? Lord, protect them. Keep them safe. Hold them and put your hand on them. Protect the innocent children. They are at your mercy.
1-11-07
I’m sitting on the roof of the orphanage in Haiti. It’s pitch black. I’m using a flashlight to write. Haiti hits you like a ton of bricks. The poverty is staggering. From the air it’s a mountainous wilderness. Port-au-Prince sits in a bowl or amphitheater. Skeletons of houses stretch for miles. Sail boats dotted the sun bronzed sea. The airport is under UN control. Brazilian troops man posts with machine guns. The city is a huge slum. The streets are lined with people who have nothing. Everything is in decay. Nothing seems new. All appears hopeless. The rich sit up on the mountain their lights only make the poor seem poorer. I’m ill at ease. I’m ashamed of myself. The girls swarmed us desiring love. O Lord help me love. Teach me your kindness. Show me your heart. Teach me to love like you do.
1-12-07
I’ve only been here about 24 hours and I already love one of the girls. Her name is Lovia. I would raise her as my daughter. She deserves a father and a mother so do they all. Today we did a number of things. I got up with the sun. I read some of Isaiah. I shot some video. We cleared some land. I learned how to use a machete. We went to Deli Mart. Four men with shotguns stand outside for security. UN vehicles all over. Then we played with the girls. The sunrise and the sunset were beautiful. Lord, come to these people. Heal this land. Heal them! Be strong! Be merciful! Lord, come in a mighty way. Be salvation to Haiti.
1-13-07
Today was good. Up early. We restacked broken desks. We cleaned out the shed. Then we went up to Petionville. It was incredible. The people, the culture, the market. I loved it. I bought a few statues. One is a warrior with a sword blowing a couch shell. I will put it next to my crocodile from PNG. I cannot control my thoughts for 10 minutes! Why can’t I forget myself and love others? Lord, open my eyes to your will. Lord, be kind. Lord, be mighty. Lord, show me how to serve. Lord, guide me in the day and protect me in the night.
1-14-07
Today was church. It was moving yet I didn’t understand a word. I was thinking about culture and people. It is amazing how different we are yet how similar we are. The church is a wooden lean-to with a tin roof. But the church is in the hearts of the people not some building. I spent two or more hours playing with the girls. I love them all. Am I going to be changed by this trip? Or will I stay the same? Will I harden my heart to all the need in this world? Lord, change me! Even if I don’t want to! Change me! Allow me to concentrate on you. Lord, change me!
1-15-07
We went to the beach today. It was incredible. The water was beautiful. I found some rocks and shells. I stared at the sea for hours. Such beauty, such poverty! We drove through areas that looked like war zones. Well, some of them are war zones I guess. How do I describe the poverty? How to I tell of what I’ve seen? Lord, give me words. Give me insight. Lord, be my guide. Lord, help me. Lord, teach me what I need to know. Show me. Teach me how to love. Lord, change me. Show me how to change. Change me. Help me to live, O Lord. Change me! Lord, I need to change! Change me! I praise you, my Creator!
1-16-07
Today we went to Tony’s. He’s a crazy monk that helps handicapped and dying children. I can’t describe the children at his place. He asked for a volunteer to help him change a bandage on a little baby who’s covered in sores. I must admit that I was afraid so I didn’t volunteer. I didn’t think about the Lord or about helping a sick child. I thought about not getting germs. Why I am I so selfish? I don’t ever think about the Lord during the day. I think about myself, sex, food or fantasies. Lord, change me! Wake me up to the way you would have me be. Be my Father. Be my heart. Lord, be real. Show me how to be real. Give me the words and the heart to share what you’ve done for me. Help me share my life.
1-17-07
Our last full day. We’ve worked outside. I fixed the swing set. The day isn’t half over and I’m super tired. Lunch isn’t going to be served for hours. I’m going to play with the girls tonight. I’m going to give up my time. Lord, keep me calm and loving. Lord, teach me how to love these kids. Lord, give me strength and wisdom.
1-18-07
We just took of from Ft. Lauderdale. It was spectacular! The lights of the city were incredible. There were huge ships on the ocean. It was amazing. I didn’t want to leave this morning. Lovia was sad. She came up early this morning and we sat together for awhile. She went to school but she skipped out later and came back up. She cried. I cried. We talked and played a little while. Then she got busted and had to go back to school. The last I saw her was as she ran around the corner and disappeared. Then we left. I’m fighting back tears right now. I didn’t want to leave. I could have stayed. I knew this would happen. I knew before I ever left the States. How could I come to love her so much in so short of time? But it’s not only her what about Hosana, Landa and all the others? Lord, protect them. Keep them safe. Hold them and put your hand on them. Protect the innocent children. They are at your mercy.
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